You’ve probably heard the phrase “your Corpus is showing”, there was even a shirt dedicated to this phrase to shame you on the Corpus shady things we came to inherit from our environment. This phrase has no color or creed, it does not discriminate. As much as you don’t want this moniker to claim you… it will.
1.PARKING LOT DIAPERS
This isn’t even a thing, is it? Yeah, I said the same thing before I found out it was a common occurrence to stroll by a doo-doo filled diaper on the way into HEB. We need to find these people and put them on a list.
2. LEAVING DOG DUNG ON THE SIDEWALK
Might as well get the poop-related faux pas out of the way. Nobody likes walking or almost running over some dog logs on Shoreline. Bring a bag, people!
3. SO YOU HAVE TO CROSS SPID
I know… I know it takes 20 minutes to get anywhere here but it’s suuuch a hassle with that bumper to bumper traffic, and those people! I’ve heard this is a small town mentality and it’s not, we have our bubble and there’s nothing wrong with that. Although kudos to those of you daywalkers who can travel to all sides of town without griping.
4. NAME A PARK WATER’S EDGE PARK
Leave it to us to name a park similar to that of a Seven Mary Three song. I guess that would make it kind of fitting, most of the city is stuck in the ’90s. This park is the front door coming into downtown and the best these guys came up with is a bleak, dark, ominous name. Fire the person or persons and seriously consider changing it.
5. TAKING OUT FENCES
One day I’ll pull up to Seaside Memorial and there will be no fence down and that will be the best part of my day. It’s like a strange epidemic or some sort of Bermuda magnetism that lures vehicles into wrecking. Go down Ocean, look closely and you’ll see signs of what once was a finished fence. Street signs look out, you’re on the radar as well!
6. URBAN DEFINITION DICTIONARY
If you search Corpus Christi in Urban Dictionary go about 4 entries down and there you will find “A pimple on God’s ass”. He also probably writes “fix the streets” and “there’s never anything to do” in every comment section about the city on Facebook.
7. FUCK IT, LICK IT, SMELL IT
Yep, that inspirational quote we all say to get ourselves motivated. It’s short, sweet, to the point, and lights a fire under the audience’s ass. John Ropolo may have coined this phrase but it’s now ours!
8. EXITING ON EVERHART
If you try exiting Everhart at the right time it feels like it’s the only exit on SPID. I honestly don’t know what’s to blame for this. With more Chick-fil-a’s in town, you’d think that would ease the traffic there a bit but nope.
9. CROSSING SPID ON FOOT
Why even try this, are they testing their reflexes? Too lazy to walk to an intersection? It’s like the Corpus version of the Pamplona bull run.
10. PUTTING IT OUT THERE ON FACEBOOK
I’ve seen a decline in this which is a huge step for us but every now and then someone gets all worked up, pulls out their phone and lets us know all the dirty laundry that’s been going on. Keep it in your pocket people.
11. HEB HONOR SYSTEM
The biggest offender to this one has to be me. If you see some big portly dude with a beard eating a baker’s dozen of donuts from the bakery while grocery shopping, that’s me and I probably didn’t pay for that breakfast. I know I’m not the only one who “samples” things.
12. FLOCKING TO FAST FOOD CHAINS
This has to be one of our favorite past times. New fast food chain opens and it has people waiting in lines for days. It’s an ongoing cycle and with Freddy’s opening up soon I’m sure we might see another herd flock the store when it opens.
13. WAITING IN LINE FOR FREE STUFF
Maybe we just like lines. It seems we want to be around other people and go hang out where you know others will be waiting. I’ve never seen a bigger social than the Thomas J. Henry Turkey party. I know not everyone in that line needs that $12 turkey for Thanksgiving.
14. FIX THE ROADS
We get it, our roads suck. Not every issue needs the fix the roads comments. Even when the city tries to fix them we still complain. I want them fixed too, to get to my mom’s I have to switch on 4×4 and pretend I’m in MOAB but putting that in the comment section of baby hector’s birthday party post won’t get them done faster.
15. THERE’S NOTHING TO DO
Put down the beer and look around Susan. Another played out tune, things are changing. Just have to be more mindful and see what’s going on.